onlyemma's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "seeya later, tomorrow's calling, I've gotta run. It's so exciting, a little scary. I wish you could come." Ok. I've decided to face my fears. I'm leaving home. Ok not exactly leaving home forever, but I'm going to stay with my aunt and uncle in Bournemouth for the summer (so for about 2 months). I decided on it last night. It's tres scary for me. I'm a home bird. I get home sick just staying at Jessica's house, up the road, it's that bad. But I realised that I must grow up. I'm 18, I need to experience life more, I need to get out there and stop backing out of things because I'm frightened or worried. I've also realised that I have grown up more than I thought, in the last year, so I can deal with something I find difficult now. When grandad got ill, I thought I wouldn't be able to cope, and when he died I thought my life would just stop, because I'd lost one of the most important people in my life whom I loved more that I ever thought I could, and he could never be replaced. But my life has continued and I'm still here. I can still laugh and yeah, I still cry, and the pain is still raw, but I feel that little bit stronger, like I've accomplished something I never thought I would. Death of members of my family has always been my worst fear; it was something I cried about every night when I went through one of my obsessive worrying phases; and it came true, as it was inevitable, and I've lived through it and I'm not out the other side yet, and probably will never be, but something inside me has clicked, and I know I'm going to be ok. So I'm going to go away for two months, and I'll be scared. Hell, I'm always scared. But this time I'm not letting it hold me back. I've already got a job interview at a beach cafe on Friday. Katie and I leave on Thursday. In all my pondering as to whether I should go, I had to make lists in my head, for and against going, which I'll share with you. FOR: 1) I'll be living by the beach 2) I can go to the beach whenever I want 3) I'll get a beachy type job (hopefully) or work in my cousin's hypnotherapy place (oooooh!) 4) I'll get to know my Auntie Leslie and Uncle Dennis and my cousins more, and they're all tons of fun. 5) I'll see my mum and dad after 2 weeks when they go down for a holiday 6) I'll get to send sunny postcards to my friends 7) I'll be able to watch as much Big Brother as I want because mum won't be there going "turn that crap off!" as Auntie Leslie actually likes it 8) They have a dog 9) It's possible that I might mature some 10) I might pick up the accent a bit and sound a tad less common (though my mum says "the northern accents are 'in' aren't they?") AGAINST: 1) Could get very home sick and worried about everyone at home 2) I won't be able to see my friends for a long time 3) Being in the sea air might make my hair permanently big, poofy and/or curly. 4) Kate may be my only friend You can see my reasons against not going are pretty shabby. It was number 1 and 2 that were holding me back the most. But I was thinking about it yesterday though, and I usually get home sick in the evening, but if I can get myself busy writing to people, I'll do that in the evening and it'll take my mind off my worries and would make number 2 of the 'against' list a lot easier. And so, I'd love it if you sent me your address (to [email protected]) so I could send you postcards/letters and we can stay in touch, and also my mind can be occupied.
Thank you in advance. In other news, today is another scorching hot day, and why I'm sitting inside is anyone's guess. Yesterday dad blew up the dingy and put water in it, so we could 'paddle'. I did protest a bit, saying I'm 18 and I'm not allowed to play, least of all in something inflatable. He blew it up anyway. Twice actually. The first time he asked me to hold one of the valves and we ended up having a big arguement about it because I held it wrong. When I told my Dad why that was he didn't like my tone of voice and we ended up arguing for a good few minutes. He even mimicked me in a screechy, whiney, annoying little voice (to which I replied "well I am your daughter" *runs and hides*). I kicked the boat across the garden in anger. Dad let all the air out in rage. I went back to reading my book in silence. Dad threw a few more things about. I continued reading my book, occasionally shouting something fantastic at my dad. Dad came back and grudgingly re-blew the dingy up. I grudgingly helped. We apologised. Hugged. Laughed. Paddled in the dingy. I don't know who won. But we both gave as good as we got. Kate seemed to think the dingy was some kind of inflatable bath tub. She got in her bikini and laid in it for ages last night. She was talking to Jessica on the phone for about an hour when she was in there too. And she even toyed with the idea of putting bubble bath in. Aaah well, I'm going to sit outside now. I can't waste the gorgeous weather, it's against my nature. 10:00 a.m. - 2003-07-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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