onlyemma's Diaryland Diary

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'Ms Fletcher, how did you know that?' 'Detective, I'm just cleverer than you.'

Last night I went to my good friend Jessica�s house. I gave my God-son a bath and let him fall asleep on my knee while he drank some strawberry milkshake, and then I put him to bed. I feel bad about two things that happened that night; firstly that I didn�t make my God-son brush his teeth before bed, and secondly, that I ate half a trifle. Half a trifle.

Jessica had the other half and wouldn�t let me read out how many calories were in it off the back of the pack until she�d eaten her bowl-full; so I didn�t stop her enjoyment. But then when she finished her bowl she didn�t even ask me about the calories; so I just sat in my own silent turmoil knowing I�d just consumed 430 in one go. That�s like two Yorkie bars. I couldn�t stop thinking about it.

I think I�m almost over it now though.

But on a completely unconnected subject, I was thinking this morning in the bath about how people sometimes hate you because you�re too nice. Like when I started work, I was nice to everyone because I didn�t know any better and pretty much everyone thought I was okay. I didn�t really offend anyone. And then after a few months they got fed up of me being nice because that gets boring, so some people decided to hate me a little bit and talk behind my back, because it was less boring that way.

But the thing is, I�m not even that nice, so I didn�t really understand it. Of course I try to be a good person and I like to see the good in everyone, but I also have my darker side, like everyone else. I just think I cover it up well so people don�t notice as much; like if I say something mean I might laugh while I say it or smile and look really cheery, so people don�t realise I�m being mean, on account of my face and everything. Or I�ll say something nice straight after like, �god, she�s stacked it on�� and then I�ll say how it suits her. Laugh, laugh, smile, smile.

And it also made me think about how when someone�s constantly mean, when they say one nice thing, it means more to you than it would if that thing came from someone who was always nice. And it shouldn�t, but it just happens that way; which is kind of sad because I suppose they don�t deserve so much significance put on their opinion in the first place. But it still happens.

I just found that weird. I remember this one time at work when I was talking with my friend Luke about how our other friend likes Kate. We were saying how due to her having a boyfriend it�s not going to happen, and then Luke said,

�You�re single, he should start liking you instead. You�re just like Kate, except meaner�.

That made me laugh for about three days straight. In some ways I liked it because it meant I was real. I was always real with Luke anyway because we got on each other�s nerves, so I didn�t have to be nice to him. I liked him though, don�t get me wrong. Sometimes the closest friends you can have turn out to be the ones that bug you the most. I don�t know why that is.

Tim and I used to bug each other a lot when we were going out actually and I�m not sure if it was such a good thing back then, but I suppose it worked for a while. We had our good times. I wonder if it�s the same with his new girlfriend, though I don't know why I bother wondering stuff like that. The last time we went for a drink I got on Tim's nerves a bit, just like the old days; but it was mainly because when I asked about his girlfriend, every time I said the word I did quotation marks in the air with my fingers.

Highly amusing. I do things like that sometimes.

Anyway, so I thought about that a bit as well and then I got out of the bath and watched Murder, She Wrote with my dad. I got dressed and everything first. We laughed all the way through it; if we�re not laughing at a Word Pyramid on a quiz channel, we�re laughing at a Midday Mystery. We were hoping Jessica Fletcher had done it this time, but she hadn�t. And we suspected about three people due to their clothing alone.

I don�t know what to do today.

3:24 p.m. - 2007-03-29

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