onlyemma's Diaryland Diary

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'I'm soooo not bothered' *cough*love me*cough*

I seem to have every ailment there is going at the moment. Last week I had my extra long cold; this week it�s a headache, backache, stomachache and feeling sick. Occasionally I also go deaf in one ear and accidentally start shouting, which is fun for all; and to top it off there�s the constant heartache to add to the overall misery of being me.

I still feel kind of crushed inside; it�s so pathetic. Last week I told Rainer that I felt heartbroken and she thought I said I had heartburn. It took a while for our paths to cross, conversationally, and for five minutes I couldn�t understand why she kept referring to the sweet and sour pork we�d eaten at dinner.

Anyway.

I keep seeing Dom at work and every time I catch his eye, I feel my heart quietly imploding inside of me. I know that sounds dramatic but I don't care; and even though I've stopped going "oomph" when I see him, I've started groaning instead and pretending to slowly die. Not in front of him, obviously.

But the thing is, I keep looking for him so I know I bring it on myself - therefore the plan of cutting him out of my life as quickly and painlessly as possible doesn�t seem to be working too well. My problem is, I always want to see him around, even though it hurts when I do. What usually happens is, I�ll crane my neck and try to catch a glimpse of him, then as soon as he�s around I�ll act all aloof and cool, like I don't even care if he's there or not (I bet you've never heard that one before *rolls eyes*). I�ll give him a little glance or sometimes I opt for a small mournful smile, then I�ll turn away and try my best to look beautiful and silently irresistible.

God knows how that�s achievable in a hair net, but I do try.

9:19 p.m. - 2007-01-11

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