onlyemma's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Low
I went up to Huddersfield to see him for two days. We had a talk and agreed that we'd tried so much to make things work and were running out of options, the only thing we hadn't tried was not being together. It was kind of a mutual thing as we both knew we'd had some problems, but it was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. As soon as we said that was it, I couldn�t stop crying and then when I did, not too long after I�d calmed down another wave of grief would hit me and I�d start up all over again. My stomach has constantly been in knots. We still love each other though, but we have to see what it�s like to be on our own and we�re going to try and stay friends. I hope we do because I couldn�t imagine Tim not being in my life. We acted like everything was the same up until I got on the train home yesterday and as soon as we got to the platform we knew it was ending. I felt like my heart was being ripped out and I wondered why we'd decided that being apart was for the best because it hurt so much. I love Tim so much, he was my world for almost three years, and I don�t know what to do with myself now. I miss everything about him and I have a dull ache in my heart all the time. I�m so scared and worried and I wish more than anything that I could stop Tim from feeling unhappy. I�d rather be worse off, I don�t want to be responsible for making someone I love hurt so much, even though we both know that for now, what we�re doing is for the best. I don�t really know how to deal with the pain I�m feeling though and since I got home all I have done is think about Tim. My mum and dad just feel helpless though my dad does what he can and makes my favourite meals and the night I got back from Huddersfield drove round the supermarkets in search of Cherryade, the pink bubbly drink of happiness. It hasn�t helped really but it�s good to know I have such wonderful people around me that will try and help me through this, and the pink Cherryade is pretty lovely to look at I must admit. Kate has nice things to say when she�s not playing Sims 2, and understands what I�m going through as she suffered 6 months of misery when she split up with Bob last year; so I�ve spoken to her about things a lot. And Shelley, the proud new owner of a driving licence, also took me out for a drive to Somerfield today to buy giant packs of Doritos and a tub of Carte D�or each. I almost bought a puzzle book to take my mind off things, but deemed it as maybe going a bit too far. Shell said I could photocopy some pages of her Criss Cross though, as she doesn�t mind being seen with puzzle books. It�s amazing what you do to try and make yourself happy when you�re so dreadfully unhappy though. Why did we do this? I�ve forgotten why this is meant to be a good thing, right now it doesn�t feel like it at all. It�s been 2 days and I feel like deep down I�ll never be happy again. 9:34 p.m. - 2006-07-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||