onlyemma's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am the green-eyed monster
But on the end he put "I'm just glad you get to do something you love". Ok, is that just a bit too soppy to you? To me, with my jealous mind and green (they're actually green) eyes, it was. Then it said "My fingers are crossed for you! X". Wait. What's with the big kiss?? So, Tim came back into the bedroom and because I have no self-control I just went, "What's with the soppy text to Naomi with the big kiss on the end?". Oh no, I shouldn't really have said that. Even though I know the reaction I will get (complete and utter disgust and disappointment), I couldn't keep it in. So this meant the silent treatment, and nonetheless, the silent treatment of the very worst kind because you want answers. So after lots of "huh? huh? HUH?" to encourage him to answer my question, I continued to force him to dislike me even more by asking lots of over the top, paranoid questions, which were met with even more silence and an increasingly angry face. "do you fancy her?", "does that kiss mean you actually WANT one?" and "Why did you put it in CAPITALS?". To no avail of course and Tim starts to hate me more and more. Someone, please tell me why I do this to myself and to Tim. It seems like I'm looking for problems and something to drive me out of my mind with worry. Are my 2 essays, 2 projects and my dissertation not enough? No-one else I know is as paranoid and jealous as me and I have no idea how to control it. Ok, well when I worked at Thorntons I found one girl who was as jealous as me, but I had to stop talking to her because she made me nervous. Consequently, no-one is satisfied when you seek reasurrance about jealousy from someone who is themselves jealous. It usually ends up with them saying something like "hmmm...that's not right" or "I don't want to worry you but..." and you get at least 75% more scared than you were before the conversation. The girl at Thorntons also reassured me that my jealousy is ok, when it so blatently is NOT. Thinking back, I think she was worse than me. It started making me nervous when I'd see her walking up the belt to tell me something because I knew she'd over-react about whatever it is; like her boyfriend saying he once had a girlfriend who wasn't her. AAARRRGGGHHHH. But anyway, I have promised that I would never look at Tim's phone again. And I genuinely feel sorry for him, having to deal with me. Has anyone else realised that as soon as they get a boyfriend, they turn into a complete monster? Before I was with anyone I thought I'd be such a great, laid-back and confident girlfriend, but the reality is so wrong. I wonder how I missed the signs. 10:43 a.m. - 2006-02-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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